Candles, community & creation: An event in commemoration of the Montreal Massacre

This past Saturday about 12 women gathered in our basement at Red Tent Sisters for a candlelight vigil and silk painting project to honour the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women. For those who may be too young to remember, this day commemorates the loss of 14 women who were shot and killed by Marc Lepine at the Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal, Quebec, on December 6, 1989. Marc declared he hated feminists before shooting 28 people and eventually shooting himself. Although I was only 11 years old at the time and have no memory of the news story at the time, I do remember developing an acute awareness of the day and its significance over the next few years as commemoration ceremonies and other aspects of my education gradually expanded my awareness of social justice issues. I have a distinct memory of standing in the rotunda at Jarvis Collegiate during a December 6th ceremony and being struck with profound sadness at the divisiveness of gender issues. I remember feeling very privileged, very fortunate, and very naive. I was overcome with gratitude that the men in my life were role models of love, respect, and mutual honouring. This Saturday it dawned on me that it had probably been over ten years since I participated in a commemoration event of this nature. The evening struck me in many of the same ways as it had those years ago in the rotunda, and in some new ways. As an owner of a feminist business, I am much less naive and sheltered than I was then. We are regularly subjected to misogynist, threatening men in our store. I am more acutely aware of my safety than I was at that time in my life, especially when I am alone in the store on an evening and a male customer comes in. And yet, the number of times a man braves to come in our store looking for organic tampons for his wife (as one man did last week), or for a book about how to please his female partner better, or to buy a gift for his newly menstruating daughter all seem to outnumber the frequency, or at least impact, of those negative male encounters. Kim and I are both blessed with male partners who have been nothing but supportive of our business vision and what we are trying to create here (and when I say supportive - I mean you have no idea what we have put these guys through). From this vantage point, I hold two important truths in my heart: women all over the world, including me, continue to live in fear of men - of their power, their anger, their aggression, and for this reason we as a global community still have much work to do. On the other hand, the kind of love that is needed to overcome this systemic problem is a love that goes beyond gender or duality and there is evidence that this love not only exists, but is growing and spreading. And that I know with a deep sense of faith because I see it in the eyes of our customers every day - both men and women alike.

Many thanks to our speakers - Raine from the YWCA and Claudette from the Toronto Rape Crisis Centre. Enormous thanks to Zeisha for facilitating the silk painting, and Jaclyn, our outreach coordinator, for coordinating the event. To donate to the December 6th fund which offers interest-free loans to women fleeing violent homes, please click here.